Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Forgiveness is like an onion, comes in layers

God has been working in my life to forgive the men who have hurt me, who I thought I had already forgiven, but I guess not completely! I have often heard people say that forgiveness is a process like peeling an onion, it comes in layers! One can say I forgive you and you think you have totally forgiven them, but the feelings of hurt still come up from time to time! I have had 3 serious relationships in my life. 2 of them were before I became a christian and the last one was just last year. All 3 of these guys cheated on me. I went through a serious depression because of this! I felt like what is wrong with me that every man I date ends up cheating on me? I must be really messed up! Well God has really done a work in my life, and it has been over the last 3 years, but especially over these last few months! But when this last guy cheated on me just last year, it brought up a lot of bad feelings and hurt in my life, we were talking marriage. I thought my life was finally going where I wanted it to go and I was finally going to be happy! Did you catch the part where I said it was going where "I wanted it to go and I was finally going to be happy"?? I was stuck on what "I" wanted, not what God wanted for me and my life! None of these men were for me from God and "I" was trying to make this happen in my life in "MY" timing! Well as you would expect, I again went through a lot of questioning as to why God didn't want me to be happy and have a good life. I had issues with Anger, Hatred, loss, depression, I was just plain angry that every guy I dated was a lying, manipulating, cheating, user! Why did they use me like they did? This is how I felt. Well As I said God has really done a work in me! I have finally processed my feelings towards these men (forgiveness is a process). I have had to even forgive God! I was angry with God for not letting me have what "I" wanted for my life! I had to come to the realization that what "I" wanted wasn't God's best for me! I had to come to the realization that God knows what's best for me and I just shouldn't settle for anything! So I can say now that I have truly forgiven these men and I want God's best for them!

1 comment:

Debbie said...

Nice to hear from you again! Forgiveness is the place where most people trip on. They can't seem to get victory over it. And this is the tool that Satan uses to keep Christians defeated. God calls us to even pray for our enemies - now there's a hard pill to swallow!!! least until you realize that we were all once enemies to God & yet He laid down His life for us. With that perspective how can we stay in our unforgiveness?! I'm proud of you Jacque!